Day 12

I can admit it, I’m afraid!

Most people won’t admit it, because truthfully, fear is the root of mostly anything that can hold a human back from truly flourishing. Fear is also something, if you can get past it, that gives you the greatest feeling of accomplishment if you can kick it in the ass! There is great truth in the phrase, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”

I don’t go and see my GP till Thursday. I’ve been testing my blood pressure everyday and doing it at the drug store so I can print it off and show the doc. It’s fine. But the overwhelming feeling I had when I ended up in an ambulance, I can’t seem to get out of my head. Lisa, my trainer, won’t work with me till my doc gives me the green light.

I do NOT want to be on meds. Period. But I don’t want to jeopardize my health by running, biking, weight training if it’s going to put a strain on my heart. Therein lies my dilemma. I want to run. I want to bike. The weather is fantastic. But I am paralyzed that alone on the trail, I’ll be short of breath, keel over, and no one will find me! It’s irrational but it’s there!

I’ve done a class but it’s obviously not the same. I have my last 90 min endurance cycling class on Friday. Hopefully the doc will let me go.

I want to be around for awhile but I also feel restless and bulky. Frustrated, but mostly, scared.

On another note, I had my interview today with the woman with Cerebral Palsy. She needs someone to cook her dinner and help her with her training, about 6 days a week. She’s a paralympic athletic competitor in Bocce Ball! She’s very cute and very serious about her training! The job is a commitment and one that wouldn’t allow for too much time for another job the way the hours are. And she expects her hours to be a  priority. I told her I would have to consider everything and she still had two more interviews. She also has cats. I’m pretty seriously allergic. That’s a concern. I’m sure it’ll all shake out!

So maybe I just need to be patient about the physical activity. Talking to the doc usually puts me at ease.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

I love this song and video!


Day 11

For some reason, I want to say, “Devil horns!” (You would NOT believe all the stuff that comes up when you google that!)

I was just referring to the double ones in “Day 11” but wow, there’s a lot of satanic stuff out there! YIKES!

I’m getting really antsy about not being able to do cardio so I’m taking in a resistance training class at the gym with a friend. I’ve been testing my blood pressure at the drug store and it’s been perfect. I feel slovenly and need to get moving! Lisa is concerned and rightly so, but I don’t see the doc till Thursday morning. And I refuse to take any meds till I see him!


We’ll have to see how it goes!

In the meantime, I really want to get on my bike or run, or SOMETHING, so I may see how I am after the class and jump on the treadmill afterward, even just to walk/run or walk on an incline…

I’m really getting restless!

Spring though has got me in a great mood!

I went and tried on dresses today at Winners! I can’t rationalize buying one because I already have so many but hey, they look nice! I DID buy some workout shirts on sale though. THAT I can rationalize!

On the weekend, I noticed that my car is literally crumbling on one side near the wheel well. The rust is literally eating it away. I’m going to have to get it fixed somehow and I suspect there are other things that need to be done other than the regular oil change. There goes the tax money! I think I’ll just tell them I  have “x” amount, what can you do for that? Again, it’s a decent car, ’99 but low kms. Hopefully it’ll last a little longer!

A friend living in TO approached me about writing a book together. I have no idea how to write a book or where to start so I said sure but she’d have to walk me through what to do. That excited me a bit! I LOVE to write!

So feeling like I just want to cut loose today! Dance with the music blaring and shake my tail feathers, I’m so restless!!!

This song came to mind…