Day 26

Sometimes a dream is just outside your grasp, and it doesn’t turn out to be YOUR dream after all!

What was it Garth Brooks sang? “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”?

I thought of this as I watched Oprah interview Phil Knight, the mastermind behind the Nike empire. He has always shied away from the media but I suppose Oprah is someone most just can’t turn down! He seemed modest and honest and seemed like he truly loves what he does. Still to this day!

But his story was that he, like so many young people, wanted to be a professional athlete. Once he realized that dream wasn’t going to happen, he simply wanted to work with inspiring University of Oregon coach, Bill Bauerman. The two formed an agreement with $500 each and were selling custom shoes out of a car at track meets.

Fast forward to one of the biggest empires worldwide.

A few athletes taped thank-yous  to Mr. Knight, Lance Armstrong even made a personal appearance. When the two originally discussed the Livestrong wristband, neither of them thought it was a good idea!

There have been 80 MILLION distributed to date.

As I was watching the whole thing, Oprah said she started running again. Seeing her smiling and openly showing so much affection for what these two men had done, it occurred to me that Oprah didn’t have to be a champion. Her job was something else. These two men inspired people in completely different ways, as did Oprah. Phil Knight never did become a major league baseball player but he is still doing what he truly loves!

It was like a lightbulb went off.

What am I doing trying to be someone else? Why am I trying to pursue something that isn’t what I am supposed to do?!

I like to be fit. I put pressure on myself and it backfires. I feel guilt when I don’t succeed.

It’s been that way in my work life also!

Although I have truly enjoyed doing most of the jobs I have done, only one did I really love.

Interviewing people. Making people think a different way. Writing and for that matter, blogging. Allowing people to talk, have a voice. I’m good at that. I wasn’t meant to be a champion athlete. I need to leave that to the people who spend every waking moment thinking about how much they love it.

That doesn’t mean I can’t conquer a triathlon, but it means I don’t have to do it over and over. It’s the journey anyway, not the finish.

So maybe all this confusion about what I’m supposed to “do” careerwise and what tri event I should commit to should be more about what I LOVE, about what makes me happy and that comes right back to what my life coach Michael asked me to do this week.

I was asked to write down 100 things that make me happy. It was hard.

I realized being fit makes me happy but feeling guilty about not working out doesn’t. I need to stop the cycle. Truly enjoy what I’m doing, or why do it??? Who am I doing it for???

I felt really good about realizing all of this!

Ironically, I worked with my financial guy today, helping him get his office organized. I told him I would volunteer to learn more about his business and see if it was a good fit for both of us before we entered into a “working” relationship. It was fun and I learned a lot! It was also great to get the brain juices flowing again! I am discovering other skills I have and that’s encouraging! I’m going back tomorrow to learn more and see how it goes!

I’m also training with Lisa tonight, for the first time since being in hospital. I’m really looking forward to it!

More epiphanies! Great day!

This is the only decent video I could find of that Garth Brooks song. It’s from the series Jericho!


Day 5

New beginnings!

Love these “Closing Time” lyrics because they are so true! And even though not everything must end, some things must and we have to let go of them in order to move on to bigger and brighter things!

This has been a hard lesson for me, throughout my life. I am the queen of holding on to patterns simply because they are “comfortable”. This is true not only in fitness, but also in my personal life.

Today I had to let go of patterns I used to form with something as simple as what body parts I weight-trained. Because I am the classic “pear”, my upper body is smaller compared to my bottom. I am just now starting to get “granny arms” but have pretty much been able to buy a T-shirt off the rack, and it fits! Of course, like most females, I want to shave weight  off my bottom!

Lisa realized that I have been building strength in my lower body but ignoring my upper, so much so, some of the full-body exercises were completely off-kilter because my arms are so weak! Of course, being positive as she always is, Lisa said upper strength will be “benchmarks” of improvement for me!

The workout today was challenging, she kicked my butt! We have tentatively scheduled another workout at my place before our regular “girls’ night”. That’s typically a night where a few close friends come over for a few hours of talk and wine, to get out of the house, away from spouses and kids. It’s become a staple in our week!

Lisa’s friend was visiting from out-of-town today and took Lisa’s baby for a little bit during our session! “Mayday”(her pal’s nickname) works at a natural health store and I was explaining some of my “elimination” issues with her. (I won’t go into great detail until later but suffice it to say “pooing” is and has been a big issue for me!) She suggested I try magnesium and a number of other changes in my diet. It was SO helpful and I will let you know how it goes… literally!

Personally, I’m simply letting go of things and people who don’t work anymore in my life, people and things that don’t lift me up nor bring me joy. I have been so tortured in the past about people “liking” me and even though I speak my mind and it has made me enemies, I try not to let it bother me. Often though, it has.

That’s done.

Sometimes I speak without thinking, without a filter. That’s me, it’s who I am. If some are offended, I understand but cannot change who I am at my core and a lot of times, what I say can be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. It takes all kinds to make a world, and it’s not that I am not kind and compassionate, quite the contrary, I am extremely empathic, but for those that I feel comfortable enough with to be brutally honest with, that’s just what I am. I have felt badly about this for a long long time.

No more.

Even as I write this, I feel the weight starting to shift! It’s time to trust myself, trust my instincts and what my body is telling me! I cannot believe how freeing this simple admission and change is!

I think all of our jobs is to become the person at our essence that we were destined to be! I’m going to get all “Oprah” on you but I truly believe that everyone is the same at their core, good people, however experiences, perceptions and judgements, all get in the way of people living happily as they are meant to.

Tearing down the guilt we carry around about any number of things, results in freeing ourselves to finally live as we are supposed to! With joy! Money doesn’t buy that nor does power. It all comes from the inside out and it starts with being grateful for what you HAVE and not what you LACK. Guilt blocks you from moving forward. Until you let go of the guilt, you are stuck spinning your wheels and wondering why.

Eliminating guilt includes letting go of control over the things you have no control over. Mostly, other people’s thoughts. How presumptuous to think we know what someone else is thinking! But we do it, I do it!

Imagine how great you would feel if you felt no guilt! I don’t mean that you have no responsibility. If you do something you feel badly about, of course you should sincerely apologize, but then let it go, don’t spend scads of time pining over it! Let it go! Let guilt go! Accept yourself for who you are, then let it go!

I’m going to work on that this week!

Letting go of old workout patterns and old thought patterns! Stop the broken record, ’cause it ‘ain’t workin’!

Here’s an old George Michael classic! Why not give it a try and dance around? When was the last time you did? 🙂