Day 40

I’ve been in a funk! A really mind-numbing funk!

The weather has been phenomenal and all I’ve really wanted to do is drink beer, sit and have a few laughs! (And although I drink Guinness, beer is not typically my choice… it’s just this awesome weather!)

I’ve been working out with Lisa, last week I only managed one session and one good run! My bike is great, ready to go, but in the basement it sits! I had a nightmare the other night that I woke up the next day and had to the triathlon with no training! I woke up with a knot in my stomach about the swim, and terrified that I would drown!

I haven’t even signed up yet! I need to decide on an event, make sure I have enough time, and COMMIT the time! I’m starting to think I am a commitment-phobe! Is that possible? We always chastise guys for being just that but maybe I’m a commitment-phobe in a lot of elements of my life, including relationships!

Is it the fear of failure? That’s part of it, but I don’t want to do an event to COMPETE with anyone but myself… and right now, she’s my worst enemy! Am I afraid to succeed? Afraid of what that will mean? Maybe.

As far as the job front goes, I have applied for a ton of positions and heard absolutely nothing. Not one whisper, email, phone call. However, just yesterday, I invited the head of sales at the Delta Armouries here in London to join my LinkedIn network. She obliged and sent me a note that she’s like to meet me for coffee! Don’t know why or for what but my profile labels me as a “broadcast communicator/social media marketer”. I rattled off a few things I thought she may want to chat about but she said there was nothing really specific, I think she just wants to pick my brain! It could be exciting!

I also paid for and booked a “headshot photo session” in Toronto to give me a more professional profile picture for biz cards, social media profiles, etc. So another trip to TO!!! That should be fun!

I meet with my life coach Michael today and I haven’t seen him in I think three weeks now so we should have lots to talk about! Perhaps we can talk about my phobia to commitment!

I finally washed my floor today and tidied up! My neighbour’s brother, a carpenter, agreed to help me put up some pictures on my wall that I have been procrastinating. Hopefully we can get that done before the party… He’s a really nice man and I quite like him!

So I’m unmotivated and feeling the pressure to move! I will try a bike ride shortly here and see where it takes me!

Ironic that I feel like I am still spinning my wheels!

I love Jeremy Fisher! He’s Canadian!


Day 13 & 14

Back in the saddle!

OK, that’s not me, it’s World and Olympic Champion Victoria Pendleton. But it COULD be me!!!

Let’s back track a bit…

Yesterday, I spent most of the day helping a friend manually transfer all of his client data into a new computer system. He’s bringing all of his 20 + years’ worth of client base to a new hair salon. I’m a pretty fast typist. We got the job done, in fact, it was really challenging and fun! He bought me lunch and dinner, and we were square!

I also met with my life coach Michael again! It was phenomenal! I feel more confident and a bit more sure of my road ahead, likely more than ever! Michael’s entry into my life has been a Godsend! You can find out more about Michael G. Duhaney and his life coaching at his website here!

Today was the big day, going back to my GP. As I expressed earlier, I’ve been afraid to go too hard-working out so I’ve been almost paralyzed!

When Dr. Swift entered the examination room, he jokingly said, “You’ve been misbehaving!” He then proceeded to tell me my low sodium had everything to do with me drinking way too much water and not enough electrolytes/sodium/potassium. I looked him in the face and said, “I have to ask you something, ” and I started to tear up, “I’m afraid to run. I’m afraid I’ll keel over and die, all alone on a path, and no one will find me!” I had full-on tears at this point and my lip was quivering. He moved closer to me, looked me in the eye and said, “There is nothing wrong with your heart. This only had to do with dehydration. The fact that you made it through this proves how strong your heart really is!”

I was relieved. I then asked him a few questions Lisa wanted me to ask about maximum heart rate etc. After dissing people who run with a heart rate monitor, looks like I’m going to have to purchase one myself! Small price for my sanity and Lisa’s too!

I’m due back in a month. Since I left the hospital, I was surprised when I was there that my blood pressure was actually below normal. So I’ve been hitting Shoppers Drug Mart stores and testing my blood pressure with their machines and printing them out. I showed the doc and that’s really what has kept me off the meds! But he wants me to keep testing once a week and bring the printouts back in a month!

I’ve got a free pass  now to continue!!! I’m elated!!!

I have experienced so much within our Canadian health care system in the past few months, I’m going to write an entire piece about that, maybe even a letter to the editor of a national paper! Look out for it in the VERY near future!

Suffice it to say I made no secret to the people caring for me that I understood because I am unemployed and without a health insurance provider, had I lived in the United States, I’m not sure if I would have been able to pay for the care I’ve just received! I know no one gets turned away but I was absolutely ashamed by the amount and the level of spitefulness at the root of so many people’s complaints.

Walk a mile in an American family’s shoes on social assistance.

And so I am grateful!!! Grateful to be in good health and grateful to live in the best country in the world! And so very grateful for the friends and family that have supported me through thick and thin!

I am truly blessed! 🙂

Now, on with the training!!! Stay tuned!!!

LOVE this AC/DC tune! Bring on the summer!!!

Day 6

I am excited! Feeling fan-freaking-tastic!

Today started out like an ordinary day and the crap weather didn’t really help things! When I heard a knock at the door, I opened it to find a federal candidate and an entire CPAC camera crew! The candidate asked if I minded the cameras and having pretty much done nothing since I crawled out of bed, sheepishly agreed. But when he recognized me from radio (he’d appeared on the show in the past), I couldn’t hold back and told him what I thought people were looking for. It felt really good!

Later, I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for about 5k and although my muscles were a bit sore, I felt really great! I started thinking to myself, why did I ever stop? Physical fitness feels SO good, it really is a natural high!

But let’s see how “high” I feel after Lisa kicks my butt again tomorrow! 🙂

Personally I started something completely new, profoundly unique and it put an extra spring in my step!

Like most people, if we’re all honest, I struggle with self-acceptance, balance, being a “pleaser” and generally whether or not to feel selfish for taking care of myself. Seems something so simple yet so difficult when you come right down to it. I’m not talking about the basic necessities of life but really pursuing your dreams and in some cases, even allowing yourself to dream.

Through a mystical turn of events, I met a man through Facebook named Michael G. Duhaney. He’s a life coach but not your traditional life coach, he’s called a “Heart Centred Coach”. I’d never heard of that before. You can find out more about him here .

I have to admit, quite of few people have offered to be my life coach in the past, and frankly, I never thought it was worth the money. Why would I pay someone to do something I should be doing myself? 

Man, was I wrong!

At our first meeting today, Michael outlined how the working relationship would work, what we would each get out of it. I can’t explain it, but Michael has such a unique approach that I truly believe it will become the natural way of coaching and/or counselling from now on and that he will most definitely have a profound impact on changing the world’s perception, simply by coaching one person at a time! I think the most powerful thing he said today was something to the effect that I was “safe” in this environment, that I could truly be myself and in essence, that I could trust him. That brought me to tears and I explained that it is so hard to trust. He smiled.

I feel safe enough to delve into what is holding me back, why I’m stuck.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to work with Michael!

I have some homework. I’m supposed to bring something that shows Michael who I am, some sort of symbol. I have a week to come up with something! 🙂

As I walked home today, I felt a distinct feeling that magical things are about to happen, and I am SO excited!

One of my fav songs from a British pop group, sort of a NKOTB from the UK, called Take That with Shine…