Day 5

New beginnings!

Love these “Closing Time” lyrics because they are so true! And even though not everything must end, some things must and we have to let go of them in order to move on to bigger and brighter things!

This has been a hard lesson for me, throughout my life. I am the queen of holding on to patterns simply because they are “comfortable”. This is true not only in fitness, but also in my personal life.

Today I had to let go of patterns I used to form with something as simple as what body parts I weight-trained. Because I am the classic “pear”, my upper body is smaller compared to my bottom. I am just now starting to get “granny arms” but have pretty much been able to buy a T-shirt off the rack, and it fits! Of course, like most females, I want to shave weight  off my bottom!

Lisa realized that I have been building strength in my lower body but ignoring my upper, so much so, some of the full-body exercises were completely off-kilter because my arms are so weak! Of course, being positive as she always is, Lisa said upper strength will be “benchmarks” of improvement for me!

The workout today was challenging, she kicked my butt! We have tentatively scheduled another workout at my place before our regular “girls’ night”. That’s typically a night where a few close friends come over for a few hours of talk and wine, to get out of the house, away from spouses and kids. It’s become a staple in our week!

Lisa’s friend was visiting from out-of-town today and took Lisa’s baby for a little bit during our session! “Mayday”(her pal’s nickname) works at a natural health store and I was explaining some of my “elimination” issues with her. (I won’t go into great detail until later but suffice it to say “pooing” is and has been a big issue for me!) She suggested I try magnesium and a number of other changes in my diet. It was SO helpful and I will let you know how it goes… literally!

Personally, I’m simply letting go of things and people who don’t work anymore in my life, people and things that don’t lift me up nor bring me joy. I have been so tortured in the past about people “liking” me and even though I speak my mind and it has made me enemies, I try not to let it bother me. Often though, it has.

That’s done.

Sometimes I speak without thinking, without a filter. That’s me, it’s who I am. If some are offended, I understand but cannot change who I am at my core and a lot of times, what I say can be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. It takes all kinds to make a world, and it’s not that I am not kind and compassionate, quite the contrary, I am extremely empathic, but for those that I feel comfortable enough with to be brutally honest with, that’s just what I am. I have felt badly about this for a long long time.

No more.

Even as I write this, I feel the weight starting to shift! It’s time to trust myself, trust my instincts and what my body is telling me! I cannot believe how freeing this simple admission and change is!

I think all of our jobs is to become the person at our essence that we were destined to be! I’m going to get all “Oprah” on you but I truly believe that everyone is the same at their core, good people, however experiences, perceptions and judgements, all get in the way of people living happily as they are meant to.

Tearing down the guilt we carry around about any number of things, results in freeing ourselves to finally live as we are supposed to! With joy! Money doesn’t buy that nor does power. It all comes from the inside out and it starts with being grateful for what you HAVE and not what you LACK. Guilt blocks you from moving forward. Until you let go of the guilt, you are stuck spinning your wheels and wondering why.

Eliminating guilt includes letting go of control over the things you have no control over. Mostly, other people’s thoughts. How presumptuous to think we know what someone else is thinking! But we do it, I do it!

Imagine how great you would feel if you felt no guilt! I don’t mean that you have no responsibility. If you do something you feel badly about, of course you should sincerely apologize, but then let it go, don’t spend scads of time pining over it! Let it go! Let guilt go! Accept yourself for who you are, then let it go!

I’m going to work on that this week!

Letting go of old workout patterns and old thought patterns! Stop the broken record, ’cause it ‘ain’t workin’!

Here’s an old George Michael classic! Why not give it a try and dance around? When was the last time you did? 🙂


Day 2

I’ve been thinking alot today.

Endurance cycling was challenging last night but I pushed myself! My hips are aching today and am trying to stretch as much as possible. I also found out there are only 2 weeks of class left!

I have kept this on the down-low and not mentioned it to too many people (until now) but just over two weeks ago, I fell in my bathroom and cracked my head on the side of the tub. It knocked me out, not sure for how long, but I was terrified to go to the hospital for fear I would have to stay there and no one could fend for my dog. I was awake all night, not realizing how much the gash was bleeding nor the size of it, because the blood caked up in my hair! Eventually my aunt came the next day and took me in. The gash was so big, it took three STAPLES to try to close it! The doc said I was lucky I made it through the night and that the scary part would have been then.

I got the staples out last week. It’s scabbed up now but sometimes I still feel light-headed, the swelling hasn’t completely gone down and my scalp still feels numb.

I felt light-headed after spin last night. I have to admit, that scared me.

Just a day before my fall, I’d reluctantly started on blood pressure meds (Mine is too high and the doc said there is nothing I can do, it’s the BOTTOM blood pressure number and that’s hereditary. I asked him is there any change I could make that I haven’t tried and he said not unless I could switch the gene pool!) Side effects from that drug include dizziness so I’m hoping it’s just the meds that need a little tweaking.

I’ve been fighting myself all day today about whether or not to run at some point and decided against it as I’m starting with my trainer Lisa tomorrow morning. I have a feeling she is going to kick my ass!

I will soon have to find someone to give me a few swimming lessons and I have to figure out WHERE I’m going to train for the swim!

I’ve decided to sign up for the Woodstock sprint tri, it’s June 11 weekend. That gives me about 10 weeks.

I have realized that I, myself, am my biggest hurdle. Once I set my mind to something, there is no stopping me, no excuses. I now need to figure out WHY my drive isn’t yet where it should be. I need to make a breakthrough!

My friend Lisa is indeed that, a good close friend. She knows more about me than most people do. I’ve allowed her in, allowed her to get close so if there are tears because we discover the reason that my thinking isn’t in the right place, I feel safe letting go with her. I trust her.

So I need to rest up tonight! Lisa said I have to drink a minimum of 1L of water before I come over, preferably 2!

No matter what you think about Eminem, this song was, and still is, haunting…

It resonated with me today!