Day 12

I can admit it, I’m afraid!

Most people won’t admit it, because truthfully, fear is the root of mostly anything that can hold a human back from truly flourishing. Fear is also something, if you can get past it, that gives you the greatest feeling of accomplishment if you can kick it in the ass! There is great truth in the phrase, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”

I don’t go and see my GP till Thursday. I’ve been testing my blood pressure everyday and doing it at the drug store so I can print it off and show the doc. It’s fine. But the overwhelming feeling I had when I ended up in an ambulance, I can’t seem to get out of my head. Lisa, my trainer, won’t work with me till my doc gives me the green light.

I do NOT want to be on meds. Period. But I don’t want to jeopardize my health by running, biking, weight training if it’s going to put a strain on my heart. Therein lies my dilemma. I want to run. I want to bike. The weather is fantastic. But I am paralyzed that alone on the trail, I’ll be short of breath, keel over, and no one will find me! It’s irrational but it’s there!

I’ve done a class but it’s obviously not the same. I have my last 90 min endurance cycling class on Friday. Hopefully the doc will let me go.

I want to be around for awhile but I also feel restless and bulky. Frustrated, but mostly, scared.

On another note, I had my interview today with the woman with Cerebral Palsy. She needs someone to cook her dinner and help her with her training, about 6 days a week. She’s a paralympic athletic competitor in Bocce Ball! She’s very cute and very serious about her training! The job is a commitment and one that wouldn’t allow for too much time for another job the way the hours are. And she expects her hours to be a  priority. I told her I would have to consider everything and she still had two more interviews. She also has cats. I’m pretty seriously allergic. That’s a concern. I’m sure it’ll all shake out!

So maybe I just need to be patient about the physical activity. Talking to the doc usually puts me at ease.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

I love this song and video!